A crocodile-teary Howard Hendrick announced his retirement from the helm of DHS today, summing up his checkered career with four words. 

"I did my best."

Sorry, but that just doesn't cut any ice with me.  Your "best" wasn't quite good enough, Howard.  I'm sure there are quite a few parents and grandparents and friends who would agree with that assessment as they look at an empty bedroom, a vacant seat at the dining table, perhaps an unused high chair or crib. 

Change - true, substantial change - would never happen in DHS under Howard's watch.  He knew that, which is why he quit before he could be fired.  Maybe now we can actually find someone who is more interested in the welfare of the unprotected - young and old alike - than he is in the Good Old Boy Network or just getting another paycheck. 

I suppose I might feel differently if I were that big of a college football fan.  (Go Sooners!  Go Cowboys!)  But, I've gotten an eyeful over the past couple of days of people elevating Joe Paterno to the status of Saint. 

I don't get it. 

The man was a gifted coach, that's not a question.  But seriously - I've seen videos of people who traveled across the country to be at Penn State to join in with the mourners.  Really? 

Paterno was also, obviously, the face of Penn State.  He was also someone who saw childen being abused, molested and scarred for life because of Jerry Sandusky and looked the other way. 

Someone to idolize?  Some to deify?  Hardly.

And before you ask, yes, I've made mistakes, plenty of 'em. 

On Tuesday's show we floated the idea that if / when they get rid of OKC's favorite White Elephant, Stage Center, that we do the following:

a) start a competition where people would pay X amount of dollars to be in a drawing, the winner gets to push the button / pull the plunger to demolish the building.  I'd pay for that chance, wouldn't you?  That'd be COOL. 

b) bulldoze the building's remains, and build on its site the first Downtown OKC Casino.  Give the proceeds (maybe for the first couple of days) to the Native American folks so they can finish their Cultural Center and it'll be paid for. 

Thoughts? 

During Saturday's Denver Broncos / New England Patriots game, Denver QB Tim Tebow was seen kneeling in his now-famous 'Tebow' prayer pose.

Turns out he was praying for the Patriots to keep the point spread under 100. 

Here's the story we read on Friday's Egg's Files.  Ladies, he might be single! 

Column: La Grange man trapped in car wash for 36 hours

A simple trip to the car wash turned into a 36-hour ordeal for a La Grange man last weekend.

Elmore Leonard, 89, of Echo Drive, La Grange, told rescue personnel it all started when he mistakenly inserted a $100 bill into an automated payment machine at the Harlan Car Wash on Wynona Street.

“Apparently, he thought he was putting a five in the machine,” said Harlan Car Wash owner Art Mullins. “We’ve found pennies, bottle caps, Monopoly money and flattened pieces of gum in these machines in the past but never a $100 bill.”

Leonard says he realized the mistake instantly and tried to get change from the machine.

“I kicked it, hit it, cussed it and spit on it, but it wouldn’t give up nothin’,” Leonard said. “Usually, it takes them dang machines 20 minutes to take a brand-new, flat dollar bill with no wrinkles at all. That C-note I put in there looked like Larry King after a hot shower and it nearly ripped my hand off when it sucked it in.

“I could almost swear I heard that machine burp after it took it.”

Leonard said he was determined to get his money’s worth, so he drove his 1980 Impala into the car wash with the intent of receiving $100 worth of services.

“I hit the button for the $3 option, so that came out to 33 car warshes I was due,” Leonard said.

After the fourth wash cycle, Leonard said he dozed off.

“Them jets of water get downright soothin’ after a while,” Leonard said. “I put a Tanya Tucker tape in the stereo, rared the seat back and took an incredible nap.”

While Leonard was napping, the car wash’s stop mechanism malfunctioned.

“I woke up between a wash and rinse cycle and everything was dark,” Leonard said. “Then the soapy water started up again and scared the oatmeal right out of me.”

As it turns out, Leonard had been asleep for five hours.

“I tried to call 911 on my cell phone but forgot the number,” Leonard said. “Luckily, I found part of a ham biscuit under the front seat. It looked to be a few months old, but I’d put my weekend teeth in that morning so I was able to gnaw on it a bit. When I got through with the biscuit, I rolled down the window a little bit during a rinse cycle to warsh it down.”

Finally at 3 a.m., emergency crews were able to shut the car wash down.

“I’ve never been so happy to see the five-oh come up behind me,” Leonard said. “I tried to ditch my Lipitor and Viagra simply out of habit.”

The owners of the car wash apologized to Leonard, although he said he harbors no hard feelings.

“The way I figure it, I won’t need a car wash for at least three years,” Leonard said. “It feels good to be ahead of the game.”